How do you keep the romance alive in marriage after having kids? You’re busy working and trying to be a great mom. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted! But, without the romance, the kids probably wouldn’t be here, right? Sparking a fire in your marriage and keeping the romance alive after having kids is easier than you think.  Here are 11 simple tips to help you get started:

1 – Send a sweet message.  No doubt, you’re super busy throughout the day.  If you’re like me, you can get so swamped with work that you forget to check in with your spouse.  But, sending a sweet text message during the day is good way to let your husband know you’re thinking of him. Recently, my hubby sent me a simple “I love you!” text and it made my day. Instantly, I felt connected to him and like I was a priority.  Don’t you want your hubby to feel like a priority? Keep the romance alive in marriage by sending a sweet text message. It only takes a few seconds and could mean the world to your spouse.

2 – Ask about your spouse’s day AND LISTEN.  It’s easy to ask about your spouse’s day, but are you listening? Or, are you distracted? If you’re trying to reconnect with your spouse, try to give your undivided attention and sincerely listen.  Sometimes, we can ask how someone’s day went and move on mentally, emotionally, and physically before we even get an answer.  Take a few minutes to show your husband he matters by giving him your complete attention. Keep the romance alive by asking genuine questions.  Making eye contact while he’s talking is an easy way to show him he’s a priority.

3 – Do something unexpected. There’s nothing I love more than a surprise.  Doing something unexpectedly nice for your spouse, is one way to let him know you’re thinking of him. I love to surprise my oldest son, and he loves being surprised! But, I think it’s just as important to surprise my husband with something nice. The surprise can be simple, like writing a love note and leaving it in his car or buying his favorite dessert on the way home. If you haven’t read it, The Love Dare, has some great, practical ideas on how to be thoughtful.  When you’re trying to keep the romance alive in marriage, it’s definitely the thought that counts.

4 – Write a love letter and read it aloud.  Before text and email, there was just pen and paper.  I’m always excited to get a handwritten note or card from an old friend.  How exciting would it be to get a love letter from your spouse? It’s a very simple way to keep the romance alive in marriage and let your husband know how you really feel.  Your hubby probably does a lot to provide for the family and it can go almost unacknowledged because it’s expected.  Taking time to write a love letter and read it to your spouse will not only let him know how much you appreciate him, but also remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.

5– Make date night a priority.  My husband and I were high school sweethearts and have been married almost 12 years.  But, we’ve always dated.  To keep the romance alive, you have to spend time with your spouse just like you did when you first started the relationship.  When you have kids, you have to be a little more creative.  If you have a sitter, take advantage and go out for a dinner, movie, or drinks.  An hour together at the local coffee house can count as a date as long as you’re focused on each other. If you can’t go out, you can have an amazing date night at home with some creativity and planning.  To stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, schedule date night on your calendar just like your dentist and doctor appointments.

6 – Give a meaningful kiss or hug. If you’re a touchy-feely mom like me, you probably shower your kids with hugs and kisses.  But, do you do the same with your hubby? My husband and I usually give each other a hug and kiss before leaving the house and before bed each night.  But, sometimes you can do things simply out of habit. If you want to reconnect with your spouse, try giving him a sensual kiss as you both leave for work. Next time, pass on the church hug and hold on just a little tighter.  You just might spark a fire between the two of you!

7 – Touch each other often.  I know for men, touching often signals something more. But, simply touching is a great way to keep the romance alive after having kids because the more you touch…the more you touch! Holding hands is a great place to start.  If you’re watching T.V. together, lean over and snuggle.  Put your head on his shoulder or your hand on top of his hand. Fair warning – all the touching might lead to something more.  And, that’s the whole point!

8 – Be flexible.  With kids, you don’t always have the luxury of going out on a date or having sex at night.  To keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to be flexible and creative.  We currently have an infant son who’s still nursing and will not sleep on his own, a six-year old, and my aunt and grandmother living in the house.  To say we have to be creative is an understatement! It takes a lot of planning, effort, and communicating to stay connected in our marriage. Your date night might be at home when the kids fall asleep.  Have an open mind and be flexible when it comes to keeping the romance alive in marriage.

9 – Give each other compliments.  It is easy to get complacent in marriage, especially after having kids. But, everyone likes compliments.  If you want stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, take notice when he gets a haircut or looks nice in his suit. Let him know you’re proud of him for landing the new contract or being a great dad. The more you compliment him, the more likely he is to compliment you.  What woman doesn’t want to be complimented? When you compliment your spouse, you’re saying –I see you! As a busy mom, you’re probably great at building up your kids.  Don’t forget to do the same with your husband!

10 – Set the mood.  If you want romance in your marriage, you have to set the stage for it.  Be willing to set a mood by making simple changes. When you put the kids to sleep, dim the lights and light some candles.  Add some strawberries and champagne to your grocery list in anticipation for a romantic evening.  Turn off the T.V. and put on some slow jams. Remember – guys are visual creatures.  Keep the romance alive in your marriage by ditching the old tee and sweats and spicing up your bedroom attire.  As a busy mom, you deserve to relax. If you and your husband take the time to set the mood for romance, the extra effort is sure to add sparks to your marriage.

11 – Plan a trip together.  If it’s possible to get away for a day or two without the kids, do it! You don’t need to go far.  You can even hangout in your city or one close by.  But, getting some alone time with your spouse can make you both feel brand new.  When my son was almost one, my in-laws, who’ve been married almost 50 years, kept him while we went on a cruise.  At first, I felt guilty for leaving my baby.  But, as a couple, we needed the time together.  We had time to sleep, laugh, play, and remember who we were before becoming parents.  If you’re going to keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to remember you’re a woman first – then, mommy!

The nursery song says…First, comes love.  Then, comes marriage.  Then, comes baby…You don’t need to be reminded to make your kids a priority.  To keep the romance alive in marriage, always make your relationship a priority and continue to live your best life in balance.

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With a busy work schedule, soccer practice, homework, and dinner to make, the struggle to stay connected in your marriage is real!  As a working mom, it can be easy to forget what brought you and your husband together in the first place.  Here are 11 easy tips to help you stay connected in your marriage after having kids:

1 – Laugh together.  You should make it a point to laugh with your spouse at least once a day.  Laughter is not only healing, but it’s one of the easiest ways to close a gap between two people.  My husband and I don’t always share the same sense of humor. But, we find humor in our daily lives and we’re always willing to laugh at ourselves. If laughing together doesn’t come naturally, find a funny show or movies to watch with one another.  Laughing together on a regular basis is a great to stay connected in your marriage.

2 – Set a goal together.  Working toward a goal with my husband is one of my favorite things to do.  When we bought our first house, we didn’t tell anyone.  For months, we worked as a team to pay off bills and save for the down payment and closing costs.  We shopped together for paint and furniture. And, we did a big reveal to our parents together after we closed.  While we were working toward our goal, I felt especially close to him because we had to communicate and work as a team. Whether it’s to get into shape, eat healthier, or save money, find a goal you can work toward accomplishing and use it to stay connected in your marriage.

3 – Call during the day.  With work and family responsibilities, your to-do list is packed. You could easily go through your entire workday and never speak to your husband.  But, a simple phone call is a simple way to stay connected in your marriage.  It doesn’t have to be a long call or anything extravagant.  Just let him know you called to hear his voice, to say “I love you” or let him know you were thinking of him.  When I’m having a tough day at work, a “just because” call or text from my hubby instantly makes it better. Simply letting your husband know he was on your mind is a great way to stay connected to him.

4 – Read a book together.  Although I’m more of a reader, my husband and I have read several books that have helped us in our marriage.  Reading a book together can help you work on issues in your marriage and growth as a couple. As part of our premarital counseling, we read The Five Love Languages, a book I highly recommend.  It was helpful to us as we prepared to get married and we’ve used it as a reference throughout our marriage.  We also read The Love Dare, which I also recommend.  We have used it at different times to help us keep our marriage a priority.  Reading a book together helps you stay connected in your marriage because you’re learning together.  It also opens the door for communication, which is key in any relationship.

5 – Ask questions.  If you do #4, asking questions will be easy. A simple way to reconnect with your spouse is to ask questions about his needs, wants, fears, and desires. Some years ago, I asked my husband what I could do to make him feel loved.  Knowing his love language is Acts of Service, I wasn’t surprised when he asked me to iron his uniforms.  You might think you know what your husband wants or needs. But, when is the last you asked? Our needs and wants change depending on the phase of life we’re in.  Asking a simple question will put you in the know.  And, isn’t knowing half the battle?

6 – Make time for sex.  When you have kids, it can be a challenge to make time for sex.  You’re working all day and busy making sure everyone is fed, bathed, and put to sleep.  By the end of the day, you’re exhausted!  If you’re not careful, sex can feel like a chore.  To stay connected in your marriage, make it a priority. Set a date night and flirt with your husband throughout the day. Not only does it give you something to look forward to, but it’s a reminder that you had a relationship before the kids. Prefer to be spontaneous? Clear your schedule and make it happen. While you might not be able to pull off a marathon, nothing’s wrong with a sprint or even a 5K, if it keeps you connected.

7 – Have an adult conversation.  Remember how late you’d stay up talking in the beginning of the relationship?  If all you’re talking about are kids, bills, and whether the dog needs to go out, it’s time to reconnect with your husband! Each day, try to have a conversation about something other than the kids, bills, or chores.  Just talking to one another can do wonders for your relationship.  Sometimes, when we’re in the middle of a good conversation, my six-year old tries to interrupt.  I usually tell him mommy and daddy are talking or to give mommy and daddy some time.  Now, he knows the routine and will come back later if it’s not an emergency. You can talk about pop culture, local news, sports, or personal stuff. But, talking about what’s going on in the world or within your personal space is an easy way to stay connected in your marriage.

8 – Exercise together.  You and your spouse might not be at the same fitness level.  But, you can still exercise together.  My husband and I rarely have a chance to go to the gym together, but when we do, it’s awesome!  While we don’t exercise on the same machines, he gives me advice on how to ramp up my workout.  Just knowing we’re both doing something great for our health makes me feel connected to him.  Even if you can’t workout together, you and your spouse can reconnect by taking a daily walk together. As you’re walking, take time to discuss the week ahead or to laugh with one another.

9 – Attend a competitive event. My husband and I both like football. So, during football season, it’s on in our house!  One of the more memorable times we had together was at a Florida State and University of Miami football game that went down to the wire.  In the last few minutes of the game, it started pouring rain.  But, we stuck it out and watched our team, Florida State, win in the final seconds! It’s easy to reconnect with your spouse when you’re rooting for the same side.  Whether it’s a professional event or your kids little league game, attending a competitive event together is a great to connect with your spouse..

10 – Pray together.  Some people say – The couple that prays together, stays together.  In our marriage, our faith is important.  Praying together is a great way to stay connected in your marriage.  When you and your spouse pray together, it allows you to share your personal feelings. My spiritual life is personal and individual to me.  When I can share parts of it with my husband, it brings us closer together as a couple.  Sharing your spiritual beliefs and experiences gives you an opportunity to be vulnerable with your spouse.

11 – Be courteous.  When you’re tired from work or frustrated with the kids, it’s easy to take it out on the person closest to you – your spouse.  But, an easy way to stay connected in your marriage is to always be courteous. Years ago, a couple visiting us mentioned they were surprised by how politely we spoke to each other. Saying please and thank you is a great way to honor your spouse with respect.  Sometimes, it’s the small things that matter most.  If you need to reconnect in your marriage, starting with basic manners is a step in the right direction.

As a busy mom, it can be challenging to juggle it all and stay connected to your spouse. But, maintaining a close relationship with your husband is important for you and your family. So, make it a priority to stay connected with your spouse and continue to live your best life in balance!

Disclaimer: You should consult your physician or another health care professional before starting any fitness routine or making changes in your diet. Any health, fitness, or nutritional information offered is designed for educational purposes only.  Do not rely on this information as a substitute or replacement for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While exercising, if you experience faintness, dizziness, pain, or shortness of breath, you should stop exercising immediately and seek professional medical assistance.

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