How do you keep the romance alive in marriage after having kids? You’re busy working and trying to be a great mom. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted! But, without the romance, the kids probably wouldn’t be here, right? Sparking a fire in your marriage and keeping the romance alive after having kids is easier than you think. Here are 11 simple tips to help you get started:
1 – Send a sweet message. No doubt, you’re super busy throughout the day. If you’re like me, you can get so swamped with work that you forget to check in with your spouse. But, sending a sweet text message during the day is good way to let your husband know you’re thinking of him. Recently, my hubby sent me a simple “I love you!” text and it made my day. Instantly, I felt connected to him and like I was a priority. Don’t you want your hubby to feel like a priority? Keep the romance alive in marriage by sending a sweet text message. It only takes a few seconds and could mean the world to your spouse.
2 – Ask about your spouse’s day AND LISTEN. It’s easy to ask about your spouse’s day, but are you listening? Or, are you distracted? If you’re trying to reconnect with your spouse, try to give your undivided attention and sincerely listen. Sometimes, we can ask how someone’s day went and move on mentally, emotionally, and physically before we even get an answer. Take a few minutes to show your husband he matters by giving him your complete attention. Keep the romance alive by asking genuine questions. Making eye contact while he’s talking is an easy way to show him he’s a priority.
3 – Do something unexpected. There’s nothing I love more than a surprise. Doing something unexpectedly nice for your spouse, is one way to let him know you’re thinking of him. I love to surprise my oldest son, and he loves being surprised! But, I think it’s just as important to surprise my husband with something nice. The surprise can be simple, like writing a love note and leaving it in his car or buying his favorite dessert on the way home. If you haven’t read it, The Love Dare, has some great, practical ideas on how to be thoughtful. When you’re trying to keep the romance alive in marriage, it’s definitely the thought that counts.
4 – Write a love letter and read it aloud. Before text and email, there was just pen and paper. I’m always excited to get a handwritten note or card from an old friend. How exciting would it be to get a love letter from your spouse? It’s a very simple way to keep the romance alive in marriage and let your husband know how you really feel. Your hubby probably does a lot to provide for the family and it can go almost unacknowledged because it’s expected. Taking time to write a love letter and read it to your spouse will not only let him know how much you appreciate him, but also remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.
5– Make date night a priority. My husband and I were high school sweethearts and have been married almost 12 years. But, we’ve always dated. To keep the romance alive, you have to spend time with your spouse just like you did when you first started the relationship. When you have kids, you have to be a little more creative. If you have a sitter, take advantage and go out for a dinner, movie, or drinks. An hour together at the local coffee house can count as a date as long as you’re focused on each other. If you can’t go out, you can have an amazing date night at home with some creativity and planning. To stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, schedule date night on your calendar just like your dentist and doctor appointments.
6 – Give a meaningful kiss or hug. If you’re a touchy-feely mom like me, you probably shower your kids with hugs and kisses. But, do you do the same with your hubby? My husband and I usually give each other a hug and kiss before leaving the house and before bed each night. But, sometimes you can do things simply out of habit. If you want to reconnect with your spouse, try giving him a sensual kiss as you both leave for work. Next time, pass on the church hug and hold on just a little tighter. You just might spark a fire between the two of you!
7 – Touch each other often. I know for men, touching often signals something more. But, simply touching is a great way to keep the romance alive after having kids because the more you touch…the more you touch! Holding hands is a great place to start. If you’re watching T.V. together, lean over and snuggle. Put your head on his shoulder or your hand on top of his hand. Fair warning – all the touching might lead to something more. And, that’s the whole point!
8 – Be flexible. With kids, you don’t always have the luxury of going out on a date or having sex at night. To keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to be flexible and creative. We currently have an infant son who’s still nursing and will not sleep on his own, a six-year old, and my aunt and grandmother living in the house. To say we have to be creative is an understatement! It takes a lot of planning, effort, and communicating to stay connected in our marriage. Your date night might be at home when the kids fall asleep. Have an open mind and be flexible when it comes to keeping the romance alive in marriage.
9 – Give each other compliments. It is easy to get complacent in marriage, especially after having kids. But, everyone likes compliments. If you want stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, take notice when he gets a haircut or looks nice in his suit. Let him know you’re proud of him for landing the new contract or being a great dad. The more you compliment him, the more likely he is to compliment you. What woman doesn’t want to be complimented? When you compliment your spouse, you’re saying –I see you! As a busy mom, you’re probably great at building up your kids. Don’t forget to do the same with your husband!
10 – Set the mood. If you want romance in your marriage, you have to set the stage for it. Be willing to set a mood by making simple changes. When you put the kids to sleep, dim the lights and light some candles. Add some strawberries and champagne to your grocery list in anticipation for a romantic evening. Turn off the T.V. and put on some slow jams. Remember – guys are visual creatures. Keep the romance alive in your marriage by ditching the old tee and sweats and spicing up your bedroom attire. As a busy mom, you deserve to relax. If you and your husband take the time to set the mood for romance, the extra effort is sure to add sparks to your marriage.
11 – Plan a trip together. If it’s possible to get away for a day or two without the kids, do it! You don’t need to go far. You can even hangout in your city or one close by. But, getting some alone time with your spouse can make you both feel brand new. When my son was almost one, my in-laws, who’ve been married almost 50 years, kept him while we went on a cruise. At first, I felt guilty for leaving my baby. But, as a couple, we needed the time together. We had time to sleep, laugh, play, and remember who we were before becoming parents. If you’re going to keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to remember you’re a woman first – then, mommy!
The nursery song says…First, comes love. Then, comes marriage. Then, comes baby…You don’t need to be reminded to make your kids a priority. To keep the romance alive in marriage, always make your relationship a priority and continue to live your best life in balance.
