How do you keep the romance alive in marriage after having kids? You’re busy working and trying to be a great mom. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted! But, without the romance, the kids probably wouldn’t be here, right? Sparking a fire in your marriage and keeping the romance alive after having kids is easier than you think.  Here are 11 simple tips to help you get started:

1 – Send a sweet message.  No doubt, you’re super busy throughout the day.  If you’re like me, you can get so swamped with work that you forget to check in with your spouse.  But, sending a sweet text message during the day is good way to let your husband know you’re thinking of him. Recently, my hubby sent me a simple “I love you!” text and it made my day. Instantly, I felt connected to him and like I was a priority.  Don’t you want your hubby to feel like a priority? Keep the romance alive in marriage by sending a sweet text message. It only takes a few seconds and could mean the world to your spouse.

2 – Ask about your spouse’s day AND LISTEN.  It’s easy to ask about your spouse’s day, but are you listening? Or, are you distracted? If you’re trying to reconnect with your spouse, try to give your undivided attention and sincerely listen.  Sometimes, we can ask how someone’s day went and move on mentally, emotionally, and physically before we even get an answer.  Take a few minutes to show your husband he matters by giving him your complete attention. Keep the romance alive by asking genuine questions.  Making eye contact while he’s talking is an easy way to show him he’s a priority.

3 – Do something unexpected. There’s nothing I love more than a surprise.  Doing something unexpectedly nice for your spouse, is one way to let him know you’re thinking of him. I love to surprise my oldest son, and he loves being surprised! But, I think it’s just as important to surprise my husband with something nice. The surprise can be simple, like writing a love note and leaving it in his car or buying his favorite dessert on the way home. If you haven’t read it, The Love Dare, has some great, practical ideas on how to be thoughtful.  When you’re trying to keep the romance alive in marriage, it’s definitely the thought that counts.

4 – Write a love letter and read it aloud.  Before text and email, there was just pen and paper.  I’m always excited to get a handwritten note or card from an old friend.  How exciting would it be to get a love letter from your spouse? It’s a very simple way to keep the romance alive in marriage and let your husband know how you really feel.  Your hubby probably does a lot to provide for the family and it can go almost unacknowledged because it’s expected.  Taking time to write a love letter and read it to your spouse will not only let him know how much you appreciate him, but also remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.

5– Make date night a priority.  My husband and I were high school sweethearts and have been married almost 12 years.  But, we’ve always dated.  To keep the romance alive, you have to spend time with your spouse just like you did when you first started the relationship.  When you have kids, you have to be a little more creative.  If you have a sitter, take advantage and go out for a dinner, movie, or drinks.  An hour together at the local coffee house can count as a date as long as you’re focused on each other. If you can’t go out, you can have an amazing date night at home with some creativity and planning.  To stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, schedule date night on your calendar just like your dentist and doctor appointments.

6 – Give a meaningful kiss or hug. If you’re a touchy-feely mom like me, you probably shower your kids with hugs and kisses.  But, do you do the same with your hubby? My husband and I usually give each other a hug and kiss before leaving the house and before bed each night.  But, sometimes you can do things simply out of habit. If you want to reconnect with your spouse, try giving him a sensual kiss as you both leave for work. Next time, pass on the church hug and hold on just a little tighter.  You just might spark a fire between the two of you!

7 – Touch each other often.  I know for men, touching often signals something more. But, simply touching is a great way to keep the romance alive after having kids because the more you touch…the more you touch! Holding hands is a great place to start.  If you’re watching T.V. together, lean over and snuggle.  Put your head on his shoulder or your hand on top of his hand. Fair warning – all the touching might lead to something more.  And, that’s the whole point!

8 – Be flexible.  With kids, you don’t always have the luxury of going out on a date or having sex at night.  To keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to be flexible and creative.  We currently have an infant son who’s still nursing and will not sleep on his own, a six-year old, and my aunt and grandmother living in the house.  To say we have to be creative is an understatement! It takes a lot of planning, effort, and communicating to stay connected in our marriage. Your date night might be at home when the kids fall asleep.  Have an open mind and be flexible when it comes to keeping the romance alive in marriage.

9 – Give each other compliments.  It is easy to get complacent in marriage, especially after having kids. But, everyone likes compliments.  If you want stay connected and keep the romance alive in marriage, take notice when he gets a haircut or looks nice in his suit. Let him know you’re proud of him for landing the new contract or being a great dad. The more you compliment him, the more likely he is to compliment you.  What woman doesn’t want to be complimented? When you compliment your spouse, you’re saying –I see you! As a busy mom, you’re probably great at building up your kids.  Don’t forget to do the same with your husband!

10 – Set the mood.  If you want romance in your marriage, you have to set the stage for it.  Be willing to set a mood by making simple changes. When you put the kids to sleep, dim the lights and light some candles.  Add some strawberries and champagne to your grocery list in anticipation for a romantic evening.  Turn off the T.V. and put on some slow jams. Remember – guys are visual creatures.  Keep the romance alive in your marriage by ditching the old tee and sweats and spicing up your bedroom attire.  As a busy mom, you deserve to relax. If you and your husband take the time to set the mood for romance, the extra effort is sure to add sparks to your marriage.

11 – Plan a trip together.  If it’s possible to get away for a day or two without the kids, do it! You don’t need to go far.  You can even hangout in your city or one close by.  But, getting some alone time with your spouse can make you both feel brand new.  When my son was almost one, my in-laws, who’ve been married almost 50 years, kept him while we went on a cruise.  At first, I felt guilty for leaving my baby.  But, as a couple, we needed the time together.  We had time to sleep, laugh, play, and remember who we were before becoming parents.  If you’re going to keep the romance alive in marriage, you have to remember you’re a woman first – then, mommy!

The nursery song says…First, comes love.  Then, comes marriage.  Then, comes baby…You don’t need to be reminded to make your kids a priority.  To keep the romance alive in marriage, always make your relationship a priority and continue to live your best life in balance.

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As a busy mom, having a date night at home is easier than you think and more important than you realize.  Kids come into our lives and take over, if you let them.  Planning a date night at home is a great way to reconnect with your spouse and make yourself a priority.  Here are 8 easy tips to help you get started:

1 – Keep it light.  If you’re having a date night at home, the kids are probably at home, too.  Or, you don’t have the time, energy, or money to go out.  Either way, always keep the purpose of date night front and center.  You want to connect with your spouse. This is not the time to discuss your relationship issues.  Silence your phone and agree not to discuss bills, kids, or anything that could lead to a disagreement. And, don’t forget the wine!

2 – Late night dinner. Or, breakfast in bed. You choose based on your preference and the age of your kids. If I know we’re going to have a date night at home, I try to wear out my son with an early play date and keep him active throughout the day.  When it’s time for bed, I usually have no problem getting him to go down.  If you’re an early riser, the breakfast in bed might work for you.  To save time, order takeout or have it delivered.  And, don’t forget the wine!

3 – Watch your favorite show or movie.  Even though my hubby and I have different interests in movies and television, we usually connect on a few.  Every season, we have one or two shows we get into as a couple.  One of my favorite ways to have date night at home is watching our shows.  It’s a great way for us to bond when we are running low on time and energy.  It takes very little planning. We get to spend some time alone. And, we both look forward to it. If you’re into reading, you can also read a book together and discuss it as a couple. And, don’t forget the wine!

4 – Cook a meal together.  Since my husband works at night, we don’t always get a chance to eat dinner as a family. I’m usually trying to finish dinner and get the kids settled before he leaves.  So, when we can share a meal together, it’s nice. But, a date night where we cook a meal together is even nicer.  If you’re the one who cooks in your family, it will be fun to see your hubby try to make his way around the kitchen.  If your husband is the one who cooks, accept the challenge.  To make your date night at home more interesting, choose a meal neither of you have ever made.  You can always try Blue Apron or Hello Fresh. Or, you can get competitive and have a bake off.  Whatever you do, have fun with it.  And, don’t forget the wine!

5 – Play a game.  If the two of you are competitive, this is a great idea for date night at home.  Pull out the chess board, checker board, UNO cards, Scrabble, or Connect Four and get to it!  Playing a game together allows you to focus on each other because you’re trying to win.  So, for a moment, you get to be someone other than mommy.  When my husband and I play video games, we get very competitive and play to win.  You can even spice it up a little to make it more interesting.  Whoever wins gets a personal day, a week not doing the dishes, a foot massage, or whatever makes you smile. And, don’t forget the wine!

6 – Make a vision board.  I admit, this might not be my husband’s favorite date night at home, but we do have fun with it.  Maybe twice a year, we do vision boards.  The goal is to map out our goals by creating a collage.  We take the magazines lying around the house and cut out pictures and words that match our vision.  Then, we hang them in our room as a reminder of what we’re working toward. Making vision boards will allow the two of you to discuss your personal goals, family goals, and even monetary goals in a creative way. It’s a great way to bond and communicate while having fun. Just don’t forget the wine!

7 – Hang out with another couple.  If you have friends with kids, a double play date is an awesome date night at home.  The kids love it because they get to stay up late and run around.  And, you and your friends get to catch up and have some adult time.  You can even rotate houses. We’re also lucky to have amazing friends who don’t have kids but are willing to come to us because we have an infant and six-year old.  They bring pizza. We talk and laugh.  And, of course, there’s always wine!

8 – Have sex. I may be stating the obvious date night at home.  But, when you have kids, things change.  With one kid it can be tricky to find a time and place for sex.  With more than one kid, you almost have to be a creative genius. But, it’s possible!  The key may be perfect timing, creativity, flexibility, and an open mind.  With two kids, there’s always the possibility of one trying to crawl into our bed or waking up at just the wrong time. If you’re in the same situation, you may have to look for windows of opportunity.  And, as soon as the kids fall asleep, get to it.  Adjust your expectations from marathon thinking to more of a sprint.  And, don’t forget the wine!

You may not have time or energy for a night out.  But, you can have an amazing date night at home with a little creativity and planning.  Use these 8 tips and your favorite bottle of wine to help you plan your next date night at home and continue to live your best life in balance!

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