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With a busy work schedule, soccer practice, homework, and dinner to make, the struggle to stay connected in your marriage is real! As a working mom, it can be easy to forget what brought you and your husband together in the first place. Here are 11 easy tips to help you stay connected in your marriage after having kids:
1 – Laugh together. You should make it a point to laugh with your spouse at least once a day. Laughter is not only healing, but it’s one of the easiest ways to close a gap between two people. My husband and I don’t always share the same sense of humor. But, we find humor in our daily lives and we’re always willing to laugh at ourselves. If laughing together doesn’t come naturally, find a funny show or movies to watch with one another. Laughing together on a regular basis is a great to stay connected in your marriage.
2 – Set a goal together. Working toward a goal with my husband is one of my favorite things to do. When we bought our first house, we didn’t tell anyone. For months, we worked as a team to pay off bills and save for the down payment and closing costs. We shopped together for paint and furniture. And, we did a big reveal to our parents together after we closed. While we were working toward our goal, I felt especially close to him because we had to communicate and work as a team. Whether it’s to get into shape, eat healthier, or save money, find a goal you can work toward accomplishing and use it to stay connected in your marriage.
3 – Call during the day. With work and family responsibilities, your to-do list is packed. You could easily go through your entire workday and never speak to your husband. But, a simple phone call is a simple way to stay connected in your marriage. It doesn’t have to be a long call or anything extravagant. Just let him know you called to hear his voice, to say “I love you” or let him know you were thinking of him. When I’m having a tough day at work, a “just because” call or text from my hubby instantly makes it better. Simply letting your husband know he was on your mind is a great way to stay connected to him.
4 – Read a book together. Although I’m more of a reader, my husband and I have read several books that have helped us in our marriage. Reading a book together can help you work on issues in your marriage and growth as a couple. As part of our premarital counseling, we read The Five Love Languages, a book I highly recommend. It was helpful to us as we prepared to get married and we’ve used it as a reference throughout our marriage. We also read The Love Dare, which I also recommend. We have used it at different times to help us keep our marriage a priority. Reading a book together helps you stay connected in your marriage because you’re learning together. It also opens the door for communication, which is key in any relationship.
5 – Ask questions. If you do #4, asking questions will be easy. A simple way to reconnect with your spouse is to ask questions about his needs, wants, fears, and desires. Some years ago, I asked my husband what I could do to make him feel loved. Knowing his love language is Acts of Service, I wasn’t surprised when he asked me to iron his uniforms. You might think you know what your husband wants or needs. But, when is the last you asked? Our needs and wants change depending on the phase of life we’re in. Asking a simple question will put you in the know. And, isn’t knowing half the battle?
6 – Make time for sex. When you have kids, it can be a challenge to make time for sex. You’re working all day and busy making sure everyone is fed, bathed, and put to sleep. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted! If you’re not careful, sex can feel like a chore. To stay connected in your marriage, make it a priority. Set a date night and flirt with your husband throughout the day. Not only does it give you something to look forward to, but it’s a reminder that you had a relationship before the kids. Prefer to be spontaneous? Clear your schedule and make it happen. While you might not be able to pull off a marathon, nothing’s wrong with a sprint or even a 5K, if it keeps you connected.
7 – Have an adult conversation. Remember how late you’d stay up talking in the beginning of the relationship? If all you’re talking about are kids, bills, and whether the dog needs to go out, it’s time to reconnect with your husband! Each day, try to have a conversation about something other than the kids, bills, or chores. Just talking to one another can do wonders for your relationship. Sometimes, when we’re in the middle of a good conversation, my six-year old tries to interrupt. I usually tell him mommy and daddy are talking or to give mommy and daddy some time. Now, he knows the routine and will come back later if it’s not an emergency. You can talk about pop culture, local news, sports, or personal stuff. But, talking about what’s going on in the world or within your personal space is an easy way to stay connected in your marriage.
8 – Exercise together. You and your spouse might not be at the same fitness level. But, you can still exercise together. My husband and I rarely have a chance to go to the gym together, but when we do, it’s awesome! While we don’t exercise on the same machines, he gives me advice on how to ramp up my workout. Just knowing we’re both doing something great for our health makes me feel connected to him. Even if you can’t workout together, you and your spouse can reconnect by taking a daily walk together. As you’re walking, take time to discuss the week ahead or to laugh with one another.
9 – Attend a competitive event. My husband and I both like football. So, during football season, it’s on in our house! One of the more memorable times we had together was at a Florida State and University of Miami football game that went down to the wire. In the last few minutes of the game, it started pouring rain. But, we stuck it out and watched our team, Florida State, win in the final seconds! It’s easy to reconnect with your spouse when you’re rooting for the same side. Whether it’s a professional event or your kids little league game, attending a competitive event together is a great to connect with your spouse..
10 – Pray together. Some people say – The couple that prays together, stays together. In our marriage, our faith is important. Praying together is a great way to stay connected in your marriage. When you and your spouse pray together, it allows you to share your personal feelings. My spiritual life is personal and individual to me. When I can share parts of it with my husband, it brings us closer together as a couple. Sharing your spiritual beliefs and experiences gives you an opportunity to be vulnerable with your spouse.
11 – Be courteous. When you’re tired from work or frustrated with the kids, it’s easy to take it out on the person closest to you – your spouse. But, an easy way to stay connected in your marriage is to always be courteous. Years ago, a couple visiting us mentioned they were surprised by how politely we spoke to each other. Saying please and thank you is a great way to honor your spouse with respect. Sometimes, it’s the small things that matter most. If you need to reconnect in your marriage, starting with basic manners is a step in the right direction.
As a busy mom, it can be challenging to juggle it all and stay connected to your spouse. But, maintaining a close relationship with your husband is important for you and your family. So, make it a priority to stay connected with your spouse and continue to live your best life in balance!
Disclaimer: You should consult your physician or another health care professional before starting any fitness routine or making changes in your diet. Any health, fitness, or nutritional information offered is designed for educational purposes only. Do not rely on this information as a substitute or replacement for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. While exercising, if you experience faintness, dizziness, pain, or shortness of breath, you should stop exercising immediately and seek professional medical assistance.
