Mommy guilt is real!  As a working mom, you know the guilt that comes with leaving your baby to return to work.  Even if you find the perfect daycare or leave the baby with a trusted relative, you are bound to question your decision.

Although it’s real, you can avoid mommy guilt by being aware of your thoughts.  This time around, I was determined to avoid the “guilt trap.” I hope these 5 strategies will help you do the same:

1 – Be rational.  One of the most common forms of mommy guilt is to feel guilty about missing your baby’s firsts.  If you’re worried about missing important milestones, ask the person caring for your child to record it for you.  Or, celebrate the first time you see it. I mean, it is the first time for you. If you’re sentimental, the first time you experience your child rolling over, walking, or talking is what matters most.  But, let’s face it!  We can’t be with our kids all day every day.  You could run to the store and miss out on a first step or first word.  If you wouldn’t feel guilty about it then, you shouldn’t feel guilty about working to help support your family.

2 – Trust yourself.  As you get ready to go back to work, mommy guilt may have you questioning yourself – Am I a bad mother? What if he doesn’t remember me?  Will our bond change? The answer it NO!  While I had no desire to be a stay-at-home mom, going back to work was not easy for me.  I even felt guilty for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. I wasn’t concerned about my child’s safety.  I just didn’t want to miss watching him grow.

Kick mommy guilt to the curb and know you have done your due diligence before you hand your child over to a caretaker, whether it’s a daycare or a relative.  When I went back to work, I had a list of instructions and reminders.  And, my great-aunt and grandmother were babysitting my child at my home! No, they were not going to do everything the way I would do it.  But, I knew they would take great care of my child.  Trust those mommy instincts!

3 – Ignore criticism.  The worst form of mommy guilt comes from other people.  If someone tries to make you feel guilty for not living up to their standard of “momming,” cut the conversation short.  You don’t need to feel guilty for failing to meet someone else’s expectations of being a mom.

There were people who told me I needed to stay at home at least a year, if possible.  Well, it wasn’t possible!  We are a two-income family and hadn’t planned to be out of work for a year.  And, those same people were not offering to pay our bills.  Plus, I didn’t want to stay home for that long.  No matter what you do, someone will find fault.  So, do what’s best for you and your family without feeling guilty about it.

4 – Give yourself credit.  If you listen to the mommy guilt voices, you’ll believe you’re doing it all wrong.  Not true! You fed and clothed someone else before you fed and clothed yourself.  You prepped bottles and packed a diaper bag before even attempting to get yourself ready for work.  And, if your kids are school age, you will spend a substantial amount of time assisting with homework at the end of your work day. Mom, you’re a Rockstar!  The fact that you’re able to work two jobs makes you amazing and worthy of credit. So, don’t feel guilty for doing it.

5 – Be thankful.  A great way to silence the mommy guilt is to focus on the positives.  I am thankful I was able to initially leave my son with family and later find a trustworthy daycare.  Knowing your child is in a safe environment will allow you to focus on your job and do it well.  Be thankful for the opportunity to work on your personal or professional goals.  Having a space outside of being “mommy” will help you remember yourself as an individual with dreams and life goals. Don’t feel guilty for having the courage to run after your life goals while raising a kid.  Be thankful.

6 – Keep it real.  Most mommy guilt centers around unrealistic expectations.  Be honest about what you want your life to look like and embrace the possibilities of what is yet to come.  Don’t shy away from a leadership position, accepting a promotion, or taking an out of town trip if it’s really what you want to do. Just be honest with yourself, your partner, and your job about what you will need.

I felt mommy guilt for having to go out of town with my job when my son was only seven months old.  I was so worried he would miss me or wonder where I was.  But, he was just fine!  As a six-year-old, he doesn’t even remember the times I’ve had to leave town for work.  I also took a new position when he was nine months.  Before I took the position, I was honest with my employer and my husband about my expectations and my need for proper work-life balance.

7 – Be Empowered.  There’s a familiar saying – Happy wife. Happy life.  The same can be said for moms.  Whether the work you do is your passion or simply a job, feeling guilty about it certainly won’t make you a better mom.  Be empowered knowing you are working to help your family financially and setting a great example of a strong work ethic for your kids. You don’t have to delay your professional goals until your children reach adulthood.  You just need to find a balance which works for you and your family. Just remember, mommy guilt has no place in the equation.

As a working mom, the mommy guilt can be overwhelming if you entertain it.  So, don’t!  Only you know what’s best for you and your family.  So, leave the guilt behind and continue to live your best life in balance!

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You’re going back to work! But, you’ve gotten used to being up at 2 a.m. with your baby, walking around in a milk stained tee shirt, and doing absolutely nothing to your hair! What do you do?

Maybe you’re excited to have the chance to leave the house and get back to a structured routine. Maybe you feel guilty about leaving your baby with someone else while you work. Or, maybe you’re sad to have to leave your baby at all.  Either way, you can expect to feel a range of mixed emotions and it’s okay.  Here are six things you can do to make your transition easier:

1 – Give yourself time. Whether it’s getting up earlier to play with the baby or pump before you go to work, give yourself a little extra time.  The last thing you want is to feel rushed or frantic on those first days back to work.  It will probably take you longer to get ready, so plan for it.  There are bottles to be made, diapers to be changed, and bags to be packed.  If you must drop your baby off at a daycare or sitter, allow time to review instructions and for a lingering goodbye.

If you are breastfeeding, you may want to nurse the baby before you leave.  On my first day back, I wanted to spend some one-on-one time with my son before I left.  So, I got up a little earlier to breastfeed and just gaze into his eyes.  The extra time with him definitely made me feel better.

2 – Expect change.  Your mornings, your workday, and your evenings will feel different after having the baby – and, they should!  Don’t expect to go back to the schedule you had before the baby because that schedule won’t work anymore.  When you have an additional person to consider, life changes.  Before having my first son, I had hours of time after work to spend on exercise, writing, or whatever I wanted to do.  Once he was born, I had to establish a schedule based on the time I wanted to pick him up from daycare, get him settled at home, and leave time to connect with my husband.  Now, that I have two kids, I am even more intentional with my schedule.

Initially, you might feel like you’re on autopilot and just trying to get through the day.  But, eventually, you’ll adjust to your new routine.

3 – Ease back into it. If you work Monday through Friday, go back to work on a Thursday instead of Monday.  Going back to work later in the week allows you to ease back into working with a weekend break around the corner. It will also help reduce any anxiety you feel about having to make it through an entire week.  Two days of work with two days off doesn’t sound so bad, right?  With my second son, I went back to work the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  The next day was a teacher planning day, so there was hardly anyone at the school.  Then, I had Thursday through Sunday off.  Knowing I would have several days off to spend time with my baby made me feel less anxious about going back to work. So, be strategic when you choose your return date.

4 – Start daycare early. If you can, start daycare the week before you return to work.  Check with the daycare or sitter to see if you can leave the baby for a few hours or just a couple of days the first week.  Starting daycare early will help you and the baby adjust to the new routine.  It will also give your baby the chance to get familiar with his new surroundings.  It will also give you time to determine if it’s a good fit.  With my first son, I initially started daycare three times a week.  Although my aunt is living with us and caring for my second son, I asked her to come a week early so we could all get adjusted.  You can avoid the stress of going back to work and leaving your baby if you start the process early.

5 – Set boundaries. Expect your co-workers to ask about your experience or ask to see pictures when you return.  Set boundaries about what you’re willing to share so you don’t feel awkward or frustrated when asked.  Whether you had an amazing birth experience or one that was frightening and stressful, it’s your personal experience.  Decide ahead of time what you are willing to discuss, if anything at all.  If you’re going to share pictures, select the ones you plan to share and put them in a folder so you don’t have to scroll through your camera roll each time someone asks. People may also ask how you feel about being back at work or leaving the baby.  Again, it’s your personal experience. Keep it simple by saying –I’m grateful and just enjoying this phase of life. 

You may also need to set boundaries about what you’re willing to do.  I decided to let go of certain responsibilities at my job because I knew they would require more time than I had to give.  While it cost me a couple of thousand dollars, having my time was more important.  I used to stay late after work and leave feeling frustrated and out of balance.  Now, I leave on time because I’m determined to stick to my family schedule.

6 – Take care of yourself. Between work and family, it’s easy to ignore your own needs. Try to do something for yourself every day – a bubble bath, a hot cup of tea and ten minutes alone, a glass of wine and your favorite show or book, a quick workout, a pedicure at the end of the week.  Don’t expect anyone else, even your husband, to look out for your needs.  You must make yourself a priority.  Taking care of yourself is the only way to stay balanced.  Go ahead and add yourself to that crazy list of things to-do!

Going back to work after having a baby may not be easy.  But, you can make it work for you by following these simple steps.  Just remember it’s a process and continue to live your best life in balance!

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