Mommy guilt is real! As a working mom, you know the guilt that comes with leaving your baby to return to work. Even if you find the perfect daycare or leave the baby with a trusted relative, you are bound to question your decision.
Although it’s real, you can avoid mommy guilt by being aware of your thoughts. This time around, I was determined to avoid the “guilt trap.” I hope these 5 strategies will help you do the same:
1 – Be rational. One of the most common forms of mommy guilt is to feel guilty about missing your baby’s firsts. If you’re worried about missing important milestones, ask the person caring for your child to record it for you. Or, celebrate the first time you see it. I mean, it is the first time for you. If you’re sentimental, the first time you experience your child rolling over, walking, or talking is what matters most. But, let’s face it! We can’t be with our kids all day every day. You could run to the store and miss out on a first step or first word. If you wouldn’t feel guilty about it then, you shouldn’t feel guilty about working to help support your family.
2 – Trust yourself. As you get ready to go back to work, mommy guilt may have you questioning yourself – Am I a bad mother? What if he doesn’t remember me? Will our bond change? The answer it NO! While I had no desire to be a stay-at-home mom, going back to work was not easy for me. I even felt guilty for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. I wasn’t concerned about my child’s safety. I just didn’t want to miss watching him grow.
Kick mommy guilt to the curb and know you have done your due diligence before you hand your child over to a caretaker, whether it’s a daycare or a relative. When I went back to work, I had a list of instructions and reminders. And, my great-aunt and grandmother were babysitting my child at my home! No, they were not going to do everything the way I would do it. But, I knew they would take great care of my child. Trust those mommy instincts!
3 – Ignore criticism. The worst form of mommy guilt comes from other people. If someone tries to make you feel guilty for not living up to their standard of “momming,” cut the conversation short. You don’t need to feel guilty for failing to meet someone else’s expectations of being a mom.
There were people who told me I needed to stay at home at least a year, if possible. Well, it wasn’t possible! We are a two-income family and hadn’t planned to be out of work for a year. And, those same people were not offering to pay our bills. Plus, I didn’t want to stay home for that long. No matter what you do, someone will find fault. So, do what’s best for you and your family without feeling guilty about it.
4 – Give yourself credit. If you listen to the mommy guilt voices, you’ll believe you’re doing it all wrong. Not true! You fed and clothed someone else before you fed and clothed yourself. You prepped bottles and packed a diaper bag before even attempting to get yourself ready for work. And, if your kids are school age, you will spend a substantial amount of time assisting with homework at the end of your work day. Mom, you’re a Rockstar! The fact that you’re able to work two jobs makes you amazing and worthy of credit. So, don’t feel guilty for doing it.
5 – Be thankful. A great way to silence the mommy guilt is to focus on the positives. I am thankful I was able to initially leave my son with family and later find a trustworthy daycare. Knowing your child is in a safe environment will allow you to focus on your job and do it well. Be thankful for the opportunity to work on your personal or professional goals. Having a space outside of being “mommy” will help you remember yourself as an individual with dreams and life goals. Don’t feel guilty for having the courage to run after your life goals while raising a kid. Be thankful.
6 – Keep it real. Most mommy guilt centers around unrealistic expectations. Be honest about what you want your life to look like and embrace the possibilities of what is yet to come. Don’t shy away from a leadership position, accepting a promotion, or taking an out of town trip if it’s really what you want to do. Just be honest with yourself, your partner, and your job about what you will need.
I felt mommy guilt for having to go out of town with my job when my son was only seven months old. I was so worried he would miss me or wonder where I was. But, he was just fine! As a six-year-old, he doesn’t even remember the times I’ve had to leave town for work. I also took a new position when he was nine months. Before I took the position, I was honest with my employer and my husband about my expectations and my need for proper work-life balance.
7 – Be Empowered. There’s a familiar saying – Happy wife. Happy life. The same can be said for moms. Whether the work you do is your passion or simply a job, feeling guilty about it certainly won’t make you a better mom. Be empowered knowing you are working to help your family financially and setting a great example of a strong work ethic for your kids. You don’t have to delay your professional goals until your children reach adulthood. You just need to find a balance which works for you and your family. Just remember, mommy guilt has no place in the equation.
As a working mom, the mommy guilt can be overwhelming if you entertain it. So, don’t! Only you know what’s best for you and your family. So, leave the guilt behind and continue to live your best life in balance!
